Ask Yourself

It’s the strangest thing, the way these
invisible realms work their way into
the patterns of our lives - so completely
interwoven with the seen and therefore,
clearly known to be - juxtaposing all
we try so hard to remain unaware of
about ourselves, even at times when
another is glaring in angry passion at us.

Perhaps you need to ask yourself, why
it is that when an other (especially one
you love) draws back into themselves, or
seeks a space and grace of openness
unbounded by the feel of your enclosure,
the muscles in your stomach clench and
tie you up in knots somehow. Or why it
is so different for, you to sleep at night
when no one else is there.

Or what, pray tell, it is that keeps you racing
through your waking hours, in search of
something (anything) to do that might keep
you from reflecting on just what you really
feel inside. Do you run from grace or grief
or apathy; and then slide yourself exhaustedly
into your lonely bed? The one that someone,
seemingly so alien from yourself, already
occupies so fully without you, so that it is
hard to find the air you need to breathe
yourself to sleep.

Do they impinge then, too, upon the very
dreams your soul would dream you into?
Enclosing with their overwhelming will
to power and control, the very space of
openness that allows your continuity
in love and life beyond all sense of time.
Do you wake within a sweat of startled
terror, never sure just how or why it ever
came about? Heart beating frantically,
as if some prehistoric beast (or perhaps
some ancient fantasy of agony’s endurance)
were chasing you; breathing close and hot
upon your neck and back; never stopping to
perceive, the awareness of your need to just
let go and be let go of; so that breathing of a
wind that’s free, your soul might find a space
of healing, for this, your racing heart.

Do you wander through those endless days,
just wishing them away? Those days of constant
productivity, where others insist that you must be
so gallant and so kind, that every sense of care
and love must then be left behind, lost within
those creeds and deeds that lead to blind
perfection of beliefs that keep inventing
(recreating) all the habit and the sameness of
your never ending misery. While something,
small and slight yet powerful, kept hidden deep
inside (safe somehow from all their prying eyes),
paces endlessly in circles of your own propensity
of circularity; never erring from that pre-set path
that leaves your spirit dying to be free.

Where then have they gone,
the fantasy and creativity of days when,
just allowed a running free, your body
danced in pure delight of sensuality?
Nakedly embracing every touch and tone of free
sensation.  Tasting, deep and sweet, each moment
of fantastic mystery - as your motion, slowly swift,
would drift so easily into a future never known
for sure; within unknowns of utter faith, that waits
(even now) to capture every particle of your
attention; warm or wet or cold and stiffly dry,
just waiting for another step, another breath,
beyond the borders of a past that only seemed
to be another moment’s unreality – without
your grace and space and place and sense
of utter presence, when all sensation acted out
in unison, and all you are became a gathering
of all that you could ever be. Silent seeds of
deepening that need to open out and blossom
in that solitary fantasy of everything you are.

Have you ever dared become a star? Shining
bright in indigo – that sultry color of each sleepless
night, where dreams arrive as if they’d always
silently awaited just that moment and totality of
your attention. Advancing now, receding then,
bleeding themselves openly into eternal space,
where angels gently usher in the sweetest passion,
nurtured by the nature of a love felt as divine;
climbing, effortless, to heights of ecstasy sublime;
where time and distance fade into one point
that echoes sweetly of the harmony your life had
so long left behind; now it glows out in a symmetry
of infinite and lively motion, circling the center of
itself, yet somehow so completely intertwined within
another, that exquisite states of purest being, simply
ease and answer all the questioning equations
born within the deeper meaning of all life.

Have you taken then, another flight of freedom?
Diving deep into the wondrous rushing, poignant
movement of the sea; where life is born so constantly
of great emotive depth, beneath the airy wonder of those
lighter realms you see. Answering the sirens sweet,
seductive pleas of all-enticing mystery; an utter
urge returning constantly into the womb of all
deliverance, without a touch of painful memory;
to find an eerie light that glows, so deeply of an
ember of pure magically induced electric currents.
And there, within that silent and unspoken part of
you, felt a longing, deep and sure, of a need that
left unmet would only suffocate itself within the
apathy of just another endless day of the safety
of survival; that really never seems to live itself
in full at all.

Have you discovered how all depth and height
are nothing without breadth and width? This
circularity of all that is, reflected in each
particle, the core of which must open out into
forever, if ever it would feel itself alive at all.
And oh, that breaking light, just as awareness
takes to heart, this totality of pure existence;
in a tone, a chord, an utterance of a sublimity
of understanding nothing in particular at all –
but merely allowing it all to be whatever it is
truly meant to be – changing everything
as its essential verity rises from a depth
of airy light – now within you.
Have you then, accepted this reality at all?
Perhaps you need to ask yourself again...

? Michaelette ?

5/4/2001
Copyright© 2001 Michaelette L. Romano
All Rights Reserved
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