Did you ever even know?
I prayed for your happiness
wherever you were
whoever you learned from
or clung to
or loved

Did you feel the pain of emptiness, as I?
that gnawing hunger
for what could never be
or did it all come down to me?

II.
No touch, no hug
to warm a winter’s eve
No sound of calm from sleeping breath
within the room forlorn
that should have contained you
but never did

I held you once
before they stole you away
and the feel of nevermore
became the grief as you were torn
away from me.  So long ago -
or was it yesterday?

and so I’ve thought
just now and then along the way
that, in its own way,
death is kind
bringing finality
instead of constant wondering

Small death - when they took you away
larger then -
with thoughts of life without you
and wasted years of unknowing

And more and more,
these little deaths depleted me
moving close to tantalize
yet always out of reach

Cyclical
the ups and downs of life without you
Faded memories can suddenly sting
Some small reminder
can vividly recall
the never-ending grief
of your loss

III.
What have you grown to be?
How many precious moments have I missed?
First teeth
first steps
first love...

And the couple who adopted you -
were they kind
and wise
and wonderful to know?

Did they guide instead of punish?
or must you blame me yet
for pain endured at other hands
through years of youth and innocence?

Even when I had none to give
I wished you love
At times, I wonder
if I’ve wished it all away

IV.
Unsettled
and unsettling
these thoughts of you
illusive child,
imagined son -
be well

? Michaelette ?