This One Sadness

What she found sad, was that
she was considered an outcast by so
many, because she had been married once,
but then remained divorced so many years
beyond the fact, yet still, on occasion
this one sadness seeks her out.
Her ex-husband, on the other hand,
who is now on his sixth (or was it his
seventh marriage? She finally lost count.),
was totally accepted by all those same
people - for after all, he was more like them
than she could ever be again. Perhaps it is
because she reminds them of a freedom
that they never dared to reach for
or attain for themselves.

Echoes of peer pressure, thought to be
only a problem of youth, muffled and yet
still alive and well, are heard again
within all distance. Jealousy echoes
loudly at times, just when another tells her
they admire the stance shes taken and
the way she chose to live her life
and raise her children on her own.
Did they think then, that her lone existence
somehow grew easy oer those many years;
even when those who claimed to be her
friends so often turned their backs on her?

Choosing quite coherently to just forget
that she existed; for it seemed that somehow
her very existence held an unexplained, yet
mysteriously large power over them, unseen
but felt; and that some unknown part of them
noticed within this feeling, that there was
really something missing in their overflowing
lives of mere activity. Yet few ever took
the time to contemplate their feelings of this
deeper meaning, that lived on within the
in between of the very differences they cast
so readily out of themselves and into her,
time and again.

Looking at it all, from this strange point
she seemed to reach, she could not help
but contemplate these things. She saw, too,
that a man in her society, put in her position,
would likely not be considered an outcast
at all; rather he would be born along on
a float or chiseled in stone atop some
great edifice to signify the individuality
a man can achieve; and honored for
the results of his solitary accomplishments.

Yet still, she knew no man whose strength
had ever been tested as strenuously and
consistently as hers had been; through every
step shed taken, by each new person she
encountered on this path that was her life.
Still she stands alone somehow, while others
stand in pairs of two or more. And she cannot
help but now express, that still it seems she loves
more deeply and completely than any two of
them together ever managed. This was not just
fantasy on her part, either, for too many others
told her this was so, in too many, varied ways
over the years. But having made their short
oration, somehow they just disappeared again,
gone back to their lives of two by two, which still
she was an outcast from, more and more as a
matter of her own choice.

And now, even he, her ever love, had
turned his back and walked away, back
to his life of two by two by two. He, who
said he would love her completely forever,
for the very differences he now so totally rejected
within himself and her. A great sadness welled up
around her then, but somehow it didnt feel
a part of her now. She was alone, and she was free;
a certain loneliness at times accompanies
this feat, yet she finds it manageable, and
even useful, compared to days of blind
imprisonment; even though she knows,
deep in her heart that it just doesnt have
to be this way, not any more. And yet
he lets them hold him back, as if those pacts
of youthful days gone by, could never be
amended or improved; thus denying
living evolution of their love een now
within this age and time that needs
it must be so...

? Michaelette ?

5/5/2001
Copyright© 2001 Michaelette L. Romano
All Rights Reserved
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