You kept your secrets oh so
I never knew what you
were really thinking.
Wrongly then, time and again,
I assumed your innocence.
While there inside your mind,
you plotted and you planned.
and played those blaming games
to make yourself seem sacrosanct -
somehow a saintly masterpiece,
that never knew of anger or
inflicted any pain.
Yet behind those eyes
so shining clear - as if an altar boy
were contemplating transubstantiation -
the gears were turning, turning endlessly
mechanically impinging on the love
once flowing freely between you and I.
Then the fall, of all I held
for the tone of your departure
spoke so clearly
of the patterns you’d been building
in a place where love had never
dwelled at all – within your mind.
Until then, you kept telling
it simply wasn’t so
and plied me with sweet words
and platitudes, even as we danced
the night away. I wanted so much
to believe your words were true,
that I excused the many signs
of recognition that were there
within our eyes, both yours and mine
yet still a sinking feeling came and went.
Then vast emotions started
and these I never could ignore
for I’ve always known the core
of their importance to all life.
An anger, verging on a pit of rage
A sorrow deeply seeping through your veins
A blush of shame, sighs of regret,
The guilt you kept well hidden with your fear.
These all would enter into me
crying out for understanding,
as you stood there so demandingly
denying their existence.
If I hadn’t come to know myself
I’d have never known the difference, even now.
But I knew the patterns of my life
right through those streams of great emotion,
for I’d spent so many years exploring
just these realms within myself.
The search went deep and high and wide
verifying all results in every moment
that went by – and finding still
these feelings running true;
with intuition guiding me and spirit
there to light the patterns’ weaves.
There were times I chose not to believe
the verity of even this, especially with you,
for I felt a love so true sometimes expand
between we two, so grandly at the first.
But more and more somehow it slowly shrunk
even as I clung to what once was.
You came, you went, said yes
you moved this way and back again;
and each time another alibi was born;
seeming to excuse your endless moods
of highest high and lowest low, recurring
and repeating even still, as if the only
feelings you allowed yourself to have
were those that overwhelmed you;
as the high note and the low became
divided in a harmony once known.
Then it was again as if a tidal wave
of deep emotion (per you, always belonging
to another, never you) had crashed
upon the shores of utter being.
You tell me even now, you
love me true
voice ringing out in hollow echoes
of what used to be. But can’t you see?
Each day I wake, and you are gone.
I feel, I know, I understand the difference.
I pray the day come soon that you do too...
? Michaelette ?
Copyright© 2001 Michaelette L. Romano
All Rights Reserved
Take me home...