In Stasis

I awake from some numb state
of a suspended animation; wishing
only that the feelings of this pain
of life would go away again. Too
many channels opening at once
within the gleam of haunted dreams.

Can shock turn into weeks and months
and years...? That numbness, so enticing,
calls me to come back again; and now
I wish no more than just to feel no more
at all. Overwhelmed by all the sweetness
of a base desire risen to the height and flight
of love divine; then within a rocket blast,
the vastness of descent into an abyss
that seems endlessly surreal.

I seem to know I live and move through
days and nights somehow; and yet I could
not tell you how or what or why, for every
thing I feel leads back into the emptiness
you left me with. I was relieved when that
great shock set in, for it seemed that pain
would never reach beyond the numbness
e'er again. And then the paranoia of appeal;
alas, to nothing there at all.

Pleading, crying, testifying - to the worth of
all the love that we made real within those
long lost days of our encountering. I have
never known myself as much within a state
of altering, as when we were together. And
still, I wonder how it is that I survived
the breaking of the unity that we once knew
as love come true - back in those days
when you chose love as real.

And yet the world moves on, expecting
too much from this shattered heart; and
it seems that day by day, my response
seeks much more than just a disappearance
from the politics that social life decrees.
I nod and smile and even laugh
at the appointed times and spaces;
and yet I know the truth -
and so do they, somehow.

And so, a stammer and a stall, and
all is lost again; no matter how I wish
this one deliverance to come to be in me.
I tell myself that I must be myself again,
no matter any choices you have made.
And yet your presence still lives on in me,
and this I just can't seem to shake at all -
no matter passing time or aching distance.

The anger has been spent in high and mighty
waves that seek deliverance; yet still this
gnawing hunger of the heart calls out to you.
For in that brilliant span that linear time
claims to be short - when you and I became
the living flame of love divine - I came to know
much more than just a flow of particles, or
even of particulars.

For then, I felt the mightiness of meaning
rising swift and true and calm inside of me;
composed of pure infinity of form.
And this forever that we knew lives on,
beyond the words that even I can form.
Yet moment by moment, the days turn
to weeks and to months - just how long
do you seek to withhold those pure peaks
from this life..?

I cannot help but wonder, even now,
as I awake from some numb state
of a suspended animation; wishing
only that the feelings of this pain
of life would go away again. Too
many channels opening at once
within the gray of haunted dreams
of love still held in stasis
there - somehow by you...

? Michaelette ?

8/24/2001
Copyright© 2001 Michaelette L. Romano
All Rights Reserved
Take me home...