Once Knew

Promise yourself that someday you will be
the lover that you ought to be - so much
more than sexual could ever be alone -
intoned in every touch and sense and feel.

A second, then a minute, then an hour.
A week, a month, the years begin to tower
over everything your heart and soul
so needed to become when you were young.

For so long you knew you needed this:
to make a change down at the core.
Yet still you ran right back into
the excuses that you needed more
than your own soul could bring.

Suffer it in silence...
More of the abuse and degradation.
More of all that silent defamation.
Accept, accept - all their projections.
Signaling your own defeat.

Insistent still, those attitudes
of early family life and infant youth.
The many roles that you were made
to play to ease another's way,
without a thought of you.

Lately, they've endowed a title:
customer service supreme.
No matter how it hurts you,
just agree with their extremes.

Personal, professional, religious -
ah no, it doesn't matter - for some
invisible and great, finite authority
still deems that you take on their suffering.

What can life mean...?
when seen from that degrading
and abusive forced perspective.
Excuse it all and call it a career.
Accept the strife and call it family life.

It matters not, the things that you held dear.
Repetition, blind illusion, smattering
of the subliminal, persuasive demarcations.
Nor does it matter - gender or your sexual orientation.
Abuse is still abuse, and nothing more.

Shall we map out all the levels
of the deviant divisions?
And tell ourselves to stay the same,
no matter pain and suffering?

A second, then a minute, then an hour.
A week, a month, the years begin to tower
over everything your heart and soul
so needed to become.

Needing, wanting, wishing only love.
Even as the salient others in your life
produce the alchemy of warped divisiveness.
No matter what you say or do
or dare to understand.

Their basic plan lies waiting in the doubt
that they produce. Could it be that you
have been seduced by something other
than their lies..? And as your body
speaks to you, in essence of your pain,
what then the abreaction of it all...?

When, rise or fall, you take it all
and never dare abstain.
Red-hot, the heat and molten -
their ambiguous desires.
Satanic rights performed upon
once holy, sacred altars.

They tell themselves they are the best.
Yet even as they seek their rest,
the blasphemy arises once again -
within much more than only them.
And oh, the venom that ascends,
invisibly, into the air just then.

Subliminal, hypnotic power. Deemed
unreal by those in power. Used by them
to gain yet more control. Court the man
or woman that embrace the greater power -
overwhelmed, you know not what to do.

And yet - a glimmer, spark of intuition -
tells you that the gist of that unknowing
never rang in truth through you at all.
Then promise, one more time again,
that you, yourself will someday be
the lover you were always meant to be -
so much more than sexual could ever
be alone.

Lost and lonely, silence thus intones
the fading of all days into
the death of all the life
that you once knew...

? Michaelette ?

6/12/2002
Copyright© 2002 Michaelette L. Romano
All Rights Reserved
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