Specter

no matter where he turned
or what he did
he perceived only this
his own death
within and without

the specter of his soul
sought and found his attention
no matter how he tried
to cast her off

she stood strong
and rooted in his being

there was no time,
no place,
no space
for him without her

he ran
as all men do
and tried to blame his fear
on me and you
yet still
his shadow possessed him

awake, asleep
it mattered not
alone or in a crowded room
she was all he could perceive

like a mist
inundating his mind
the base of every vision seen
haunting every thought exposed

the sun would still sparkle
on the morning dew
but he could no longer see it

and the snow still glisten brightly
on some distant mountain peak
yet his eyes were blind to all but her

she possessed him
after all was said and done
and slowly but surely
she became him

as the chill autumn wind
blew the multi-colored leaves
through skies of brilliant blue
he saw only the stark and empty
leafless limbs of winter trees
cold reminder of the reality
his reasoned, linear thought
had led him to

until, no matter where he turned
she stood in silent, regal splendor
icy in her majesty before him

and as a goddess
he secretly adored her
as he reveled in the pain of her coming
and sought in unawareness
the sweet surcease of his demise…

as the days and nights of fear
turned into weeks and months and years
he tried so hard
to busy himself with other thoughts and things
yet every time he closed his eyes

there she stood
serene specter
intimate destiny of death
if but once he dared to love her true

and each woman
in the outer world
became her
until into every image – feminine
that mattered form can take
he projected his fear

yet every and always
his fear returned
to consume him

and so his fantasy of life continued
as he used denial as a shield
and his pain as a sword to impale
every being that reminded him
of her presence…

while a fire burned within
hidden from society
like a volcano
long thought dormant
preparing
to enter the world of form again
through him…

? Michaelette ?

Copyright© 1998 Michaelette L. Romano
All Rights Reserved
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