As the Mirror Shattered

Our paths crossed
and we took a step or two together
before we danced apart
each following the path we knew
was ours to take

I look back now
and I see our star
mere pinpoint in the heavens
and fading fast to nothingness
as it burns itself away

Now I reclaim my heart again
in its entirety
in all of my complexity
of soul and mind and flesh
for your path was really
never mine to walk at all
as it lacks the love of heart

so I send you back your inner child
and all of its intensified emotion
who recognized this love in me
and sought my undiluted understanding

but he thought my heart a sacristy
that might protect him from his pain
yet this was never my dependency to bear
so this, your child, must now return to you

and too I send you back
your heartache and your pain
and all that has accrued
since your hormones rose
and carried you away

that means the lust, the rage, the blame
and all the tensions of propriety
you chose to take upon yourself
in your search for the society of soul

but most of all, I give you this
the fear that every touch we shared
and every feeling that you left unfelt
was projected and injected into me
for none of this and none of you
was really ever mine to bear at all

but simply there
that I might come to see
in ever greater clarity
and heal more in depth
than I had ever done before

It's all so clear to see in memory
for your fear was there in your approach
boosting all the levels of your energy
yet disguised
within the lies of your composure

and I thought that we could love it all away
yet this just couldn't be
because you'd never really learned to love at all
and I refuse to take the fall for you again

yet somewhere along the line
of your political maneuvering
you decided that your every fear
should come to me this way
so you would never have to feel
your fear again

even when I told you
how it hurt me when it did
explaining every variation
down to the level
of the particles and waves
that I know you understand so well

and again and then again
in simple language of the heart
the language that a child understands
you said to me you loved me true
again and again and again
but in truth
your fear was all you sent to me
in all its varied forms and facets
for you'd never really given love at all

thus far you've only learned just to receive
while objectively, you saw me as a gift
that must be heaven sent
a grace that you had somehow earned
no more than just a thing to use
and then discard without a care
but that was never true at all

I cried with you to ease your pain
but somewhere along the line
your mind decided this
that you should never have to cry again
and this is not the way it works, oh no!
not here within the natural order
of these feeling realms of being

where next, your anger rose
but you used your mind
transposing even this
into something other than yourself
for as you saw it for the first time
within the clarity of me
you fled your rage
and ran away again

projecting even anger unto me
refusing still to see or to amend
all the damage you inflicted then
and even now you tell yourself
that all you knew was love for me
but that was never love at all

You hid then in your mind
erecting shields of every blind emotion
that you'd gathered
o'er the years of your imprisonment
self-regulating your containment
there, inside your mind
that was all you were familiar with

and in the end, you sought
no more than just
the greatest comfort
for yourself alone
while again you schemed and plotted
for another victory
even as you victimized
all that you claimed to love in me
instead of letting love flow free
between our hearts

and deep inside, the truth be told
you sought the power of my expression
to add to your collection
of intellectual weaponry
expecting and insisting that I had to be
the one that must relieve you
of these burdens you alone kept choosing
to amass and then conceal
but that was never really me at all

for my heart is open
and my soul is free
and freely do I share
all that I have come to know as true
yet more than this
I shared the love
of my creation with you

'twas my gift and my decision
at least at the beginning
but more and more you sought to take control
and deeper did you delve to just find more
more of this entirety
that you so sorely lacked

I loved you so completely then
that I was blinded by the brightness
of the light I shared with you
as it redoubled in the mirrors
that you used for your protection

Yet these mirrors are nothing new to me
I have seen through them for an eternity
yet never have I seen a mirror
so brightly polished
and seemingly without a seam or angle

In the end
'twas your reality of flesh
when once we met
that failed to conceal
a single solitary thing from me
and you were shocked and shocked again
by the very depth of comprehension
that I offered you
as I saw right through
your mass and density
and came to understand
and then express the mess
that you contained

for never had you known another soul
until I came
that had managed to see through
and see it true
the composition of these structures
that you'd built in your defense

and yet you'd hit that point
where even innocence
insists on living in the light
of all awareness
and so the power of emotion rose
internally, in you and through to me
as you were building one enormous bomb
with the knowledge you had gleaned
within your mind and in society at large

but then, against your will
the bomb of you exploded
before the time and place you'd chosen
as its preplanned launching time
and then the shards of your defense
within this shattering
of all you thought you'd been
became a thoughtless scattering
that was projected into me

while all the baser feelings
you so ardenlty denied
wounded me so deeply
that for a time, I could not see
beyond the pain that you inflicted
so I sought to withdraw
and heal this woundedness
but still you refused to let go

because you knew I had
the very strength you lacked
and when I refused you the gifts
that by right are only mine to give
your anger built yet once again
and you decided just to take them anyway
for you'd already garnered
that much strength from me

First I felt drained and then exhausted
for as time went by your weakness
filled the vacancy where strength
had come to be inside of me
while still you sought for nothing more
than my submission and complacency
but this was never meant to be at all

and my soul reached out
in its universal web of being
while my mind reached in
to understand the reasons
as I walked the course
of each mistake I'd made
reclaiming, as I went, what was myself

rejecting and returning all the else
that came from you
every shard and every particle
for unbeknownst to you
you need them too
if you ever wish
to find your own completion

Now all you claimed you never knew
is building once again inside of you
in this, the aftermath
of your explosiveness
even now, when you reach out to find
another soul to bear your load for you

Toxic is the waste
that you create
not by my wish or thought, oh no
nor by decree of any soul
but yours
and yours alone

for you are you
and I am I
and none of this
has anything
to do with me at all

Not anymore . . .


Copyright© 2000 Michaelette L. Romano
All Rights Reserved
Take me home...