Could Have Been

Untenable, terrifying, irrevocable
irresistibly returning
beyond our will or need
to flee its presence

Oh, love of loves
the torment you now bring
seems unendurable
yet still I breathe
each breath no more than pain
but no matter what I do or think
your haunting memory intrudes

I see your face
as in a photograph
holographically enhanced
yet vaporous
and e'er beyond my grasp

I feel your touch
so distant and surreal
yet I know this love is real
and cannot bear to feel
the pain that you feel too

I lay upon the bed, unmoving
and pray for saving grace
yet in its place, your image graven
deeply in my soul returns again
I moan, I cry, I rage, I scream aloud
all this to no avail

I long to hear your voice again
yet cannot dial the phone
knowing all I could express
was just a cry, a groan
not able yet to say good-bye
to your longed-for, unendurable hello

and so I write
for night does not bring sleep or dreams
but only darkness so enveloping
that the emptiness I feel
must scream itself again
into some form of being

The night grows deeper still
as I lean upon the window sill
and watch the moon die out
behind a cloud
as stars whiz by so unaware
that this pain exists at all
and then the fall
so long and satisfying
as memories of nights of love
come flashing through my mind
just before the agony starts in again

as moment by moment, I seek to express
this feel of all unhappiness
while specters rise and fall within the room
and they too moan, and cry, and mourn
for all the love that could have been
but suddenly is gone . . .

?Michaelette?

11/15/2000
Copyright© 2000 Michaelette L. Romano
All Rights Reserved
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