Impending Vision

He lay on his bed
a high and mighty silence
encompassing his very being
and he listened to the echoes
of a seeming nothingness
feeling drained of energy

His very will to live, it seemed
was ebbing like a tide withdrawing
leaving every grain of sand
to long for more
of this endless ocean's songs

yet he found he could not move
for movement had no meaning now
as the circumstances of his life
became the unreality of love
his greatest need

and yet somehow this will to life
some form of psychic energy
invisible yet bringing presence
had left him lost within a dream

of terror overpowering all life
while the normal power of his mind
that once controlled the greater tides
of energy that flowed through him
had disappeared

and not a thought came clear
to pull him out or lift him up
as visions rose and fell
for days and nights
that seemed to have no end

yet still, some part of him
was watching from a distance
as if removed or standing back
and even as he lived this dream
he saw himself, the self he knew
performing those courageous deeds
that blew all fear away

but the end of this subliminal play
became his own demise
for a deep belief arose
that pulled him in the undertow
relentlessly while he
had not the power to withdraw

It was his own belief in death
not as a mere release
nor ending in a heaven
of imagined ecstasy
but death that voided
all that he had been within his life

No will to eat, afraid to sleep
for fear of some assassin drawing near
he would doze in fits
exhaustion overtaking every sense
only to waken with a start
and find the dream continuing
without a sign of hope

or symbol that might intercede
and break the seeming magic
of this dream that was too real
to be illusion
when even in the light of day
the sun became a lonely star
not near enough to shine
through all the darkness of his mind

Sinister, the whispered voice
that said he'd never had a choice
for all those years
he thought he had control
and everything he'd based his life upon
just fell apart
for he knew somehow
this voice was real

and he had to concentrate
to just keep breathing
for even instinct then
became unwise
and filled the skies behind his eyes
with nightmare visions

until at last the dusk descended
at the end of nine full days
of this disparagement
when glancing out the window
he finally saw outside himself again
and there on the horizon
all the colors of the dawn became
the setting of the sun

and this sphere of fiery light
recalled a memory of brighter days
when relationships of interplay
awakened every sense
as unasked, a feel of bittersweet
and deep unanswered longing
overtook his sense of death becoming real

and he noticed that the soot
that blackens even whitest snow
as winter grows to be too much
had melted back into the earth
within that dream time spent
irreverently screaming at the gods

and the rage that once had been
the force and course
of his own brand of justice
fueling the movements of his life
had somehow dissipated
while beyond his will
he found himself becoming
somehow other
than he'd known himself to be

Little did he know just then
how many people felt the same as he
for this seemed an intimate
entirely personal experience
while nothing seemed as it had been
as the life that he once knew
came to its end

He couldn't seem to fathom
the reason or the rationale
that lay beneath the scenes
of that impending doom he'd seen
yet still it seemed to live
somewhere within a recess deep inside

but somehow this spark
of light descending
rekindled him to life
and energy began again to move
within and through this flesh he knew
that somehow had betrayed him
at a level deep enough
to change his life

and once again he chose
the love of life
over and above the fear that rose
incessantly within his dreams
for instinct would preserve the strong
not just of body
but of mind and soul

and he remembered
when he once beheld
the source of life's infinity
a light so bright
it seemed to blind his eyes
when searing pain accompanied
the most exquisite ecstasy
he'd ever known
and that greater pain
as he withdrew
from the very source of life
he longed to know

He treads his path now, teetering
upon the razor's edge
knowing that both dark and light
exist at once
within each particle of being
composing interlacing weaves
of unutterable complexity

as he seeks just the simplicity
of beauty that becomes the gist
of awe within a morning's mist
expanding o'er a pond
creating such unending hues
in prism-like effect
seemingly invincible
this surrender to the nature
of it all

?Michaelette?

3/11/2000
Copyright© 2000 Michaelette L. Romano
All Rights Reserved
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