The Point of Letting Go
(Correspondence of the Heart)

All this hurt you feel
it is of your own making
I speak and write in words
of all I feel coming from you
I do not create it, I simply bring it
into the realm of understanding
I do not cause it
I simply bring it to the light of awareness
It will never be dispersed without that awareness
and like it or not, it is yours to disperse
So stop blaming all your pain on me
That just isn't right or fair or true
(oh the pain
of blame becoming real)

Stop claiming innocence in this realm of emotions
for you are no more innocent here than anyone else
and once we are grown, the world just doesn't ever go back
to the kind of innocence we knew in youth
when all unwanted feeling was dealt with by a mother figure
We cannot go backwards like that - not ever
without causing even more pain to come into existence
(as we search for endless youth
that we have grown beyond)

You said you search for truth
then why do you deny
the very truth you seek
when it is put so plainly
into form for you to see and understand?
Your mind is brilliant when you apply it
The time has come for you
to apply it to even this
(this, the bliss, the kiss
of our undoing)

Not to "conquer" emotion
for emotion can never be conquered
It is part and parcel of who we are
It is the dance of life itself
It leads us on the winding path of love
if we but allow it its freedom
(Remember summer days
of humidity and haze
in which we loved?)

You feel a prisoner now
trapped within yourself
yet you are the only one
who has the key to set you free
for you locked yourself in long ago
and refuse to let yourself out again
(a prison formed for duty's sake
that love of life forsakes)

You can choose to live within this pain
for the rest of your life
People do it all the time
They live and die
choosing to know nothing more than this
I know this is true
for I watched my father
live and die this way - in pain
(thick, the walls
around this core of heart)

and at that point
of his one and final letting go
I felt it all with him
Yet those moments spent
in the extremity of his pain
taught me so very much
and although he was locked within
all the pain that he refused to let go of
in all his life he never tried
to blame that pain on me
(and so I've come to know
the insanity of these enclosures)

He lived in misery
and through the years the pain just kept increasing
Yet he thought he was "being a man" by keeping it all in
by never sharing it or expressing it or resolving it
but in the end, because he chose to live this way
he simply died in the same pain he had lived in
His life became no more, nor less than that
an example, perhaps, so that I might learn to live otherwise
(I thank my soul
for its wisdom sees me through
and sees through even this)

Yet this very pain is what you choose
as you stay locked within yourself
even though you know now
that this pain can be set free
and when it is set free, you also know
the wonder that life and love can bring
for I have shown you this
and I know you have not forgotten
what that's like
(deep, the mystery
found in moments
of pure ecstasy)

I do not care to know the complex reasoning
behind your unseemly actions anymore
for no matter how you complicate these matters
with your supposed reasoning
the truth remains the truth
and the truth right now
is that you spend all your life energy
running from the love you claim to seek
(avoiding fear
your one true nemesis)

I write of these truths
for beyond my comprehension
this is the hand I have been dealt
the "talent" that I was born with
the "bent" of my soul's journey
(and oh,
the depths and heights
that I have lived)

I've tried many times to deny it
I've longed more times than you can know
for a more "normal" life
where I might attain
a bit more comfort and understanding
but it just wasn't meant to be
not yet at any rate
and the more I try to be that way
the more I try to "belong"
to this world that is not of my contrivance
the more my heart and soul,
my mind and body rebel against me
(physical, the pain
of soul's denial)

That is where this pain comes from
all pain is a message from our Self
that greater part of us
that knows life in all its wholeness
Then the only question left to ask is this
What will we choose to believe?
And choosing, how will we live it?
Will we continue to choose to listen to
the voices that lead us to remain
just one among the herd?
A follower that chooses to believe
in the illusions amassed by others?
(Question
always question everything
for spirit will respond)

or will we choose to listen to
that one, small voice of truth
that dares to whisper in our ear
and more than whisper, sometimes scream
or even bring a tragedy into our lives
attempting to be heard
among all the chaos that surrounds us
(listen, can you hear it?
this spirit voice that calls
beneath the wind)

You "think" you are capable of closing yourself in
You attempt to "protect" yourself
from the chaos that surrounds you
yet by now you must see very clearly
that the chaos of this unruly culture of ours
is everywhere
We cannot escape it
We cannot lock it out
It enters our systems of being
no matter what we do
or how we try to defend ourselves from it
(more and more
until the core
is reached)

So then the question becomes
if not defense, then what?
If defense is not the answer,
then how can offense be the answer?
Of course, it can't be,
for it is just another extreme, is it not?
(strange, the strain
of each extremity)

So then, straining to the max, what happens
when we take this "offense" and this "defense"
one-pointed conceptions
of each extreme in which we have our being
and hold them both at once
within the light of our awareness?
(so much more aware
if we but dare
to hear this voice
that in the silence speaks)

Try it some time
I guarantee that if you are successful
in holding them both steady there
both at once in your awareness
they will incubate and grow
and in that one exquisite moment
of their transcendence
what opens before you
will be worth more
than any pain you have ever felt
(this awe and beauty calling
every heart to take a stand)

Yet I cannot communicate these things to you
until you have just once experienced
this miracle for yourself
It is a prerequisite
This must be done
before you can take even one more step
upon this path you claim to be treading
(for how can this path be tread
without the motion
of each and every step?)

for as of now
you have mired yourself in a swamp
and in turning me away with your blame
you have refused and still refuse
a hand being offered to pull you out
(perhaps one day, in memory
you'll come upon this mystery
and finally understand)

I've spent the last six months
trying to help you past this murky place
even to the point of allowing
your forms of chaos into my life
yet still you keep yourself locked in
(how long, my love
until you see the light?)

You've made it exceedingly clear
that this is your choice -
to live in this swamp
as you refuse to move
refuse to change
refuse to live the many truths
that have been so clearly presented to you
(what more could e'er be offered
than the gifts that came to you?)

There is no time left for this with you
for there are others in this world
who might actually use this understanding
to enhance their lives
You clearly have chosen otherwise
(Weep, my heart
for all that keeps you bound)

Our time on this earthly plane
is valuable yet limited
in scope of earthly spans and forms of being
I see this more and more clearly
as the days turn into years
and youth begins to fade each day
when I look into the mirror
(yet wisdom of the ages
comes more and more of late
and more than just replaces
youthful zeal)

and although I may not get paid
some great salary for what I do
what I do matters - immensely
even if this society
never chooses to reward me for it
yet my soul rewards me daily
for daily does it bring me back into
the stream of love we all yearn for
(even now
just when I need
to let you go)

Not just love of one specific
other being on this planet
but love of all that is
and the harmony of patterns
that would surely bring
this longing to fruition
(vast, the story of creation
as love conceives
of every possibility)

yet still, somehow
this spirit that I am, this soul
tells me that there is indeed an other
who would share this journey with me
for more than just a day or week or month
and that this sharing is eternity in motion
(so much more
than complex vows
could ever say)

so still I seek
and will continue to seek
this other soul's arrival
for I am stubborn too
and no matter the pain
I still believe in love
for it is the one and only constant I have found
within this ever-changing life
(love, an entity
that honors me
each time it flows
within my being)

Now it seems I must
begin to seek yet once again
and the first step a seeker must take
is always and ever again in the letting go
(letting go
how sweet the sorrow felt)

So I let you go...
Each tear I cry at your departure
becomes another small step I take
in this process of becoming
Each pain I feel and then release
becomes the flight of spirit soaring on the winds
Each moment I spend confronting my loneliness and loss
becomes a moment of truth that sets my spirit free
Free to be the love I seek so earnestly
(and love responds
even as the teardrops fall)

and I share even this with you
for how can I not hope that some day, in some way
you might yet come to the totality of your senses
and take that next step
while whether you can sense it or not
at this point in your becoming
I do this with all the love in my heart...
(love within the letting go
and my heart beats sure and slow
in its response)

?Michaelette?

1/7/2000
Copyright© 2000 Michaelette L. Romano
All Rights Reserved
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