Your Belief

You believed yourself unlovable
and so you acted out each part
based upon this blind belief
and nothing that I did or said
nor all the love I offered you
could make a difference
yet my love is what you choose
not to remember now

You believed yourself a failure
for your dreams had fallen all apart
as the life that you had built
became unraveled
while still you clung to sick illusions
of strange social fame's neurosis
in a culture that can seek no more
than just to conquer every one
who stands alone

Your mind was sharp
yet even this
you somehow turned
into a fault within yourself
and you denied this too
even as you clung to
the power of its defense

You came to me
approaching from a distance
yet locked upon a target
as a missile ready to explode
telling me you sought the source
of the truth of love you felt
within my words

and I saw your heart as true
(for heart is always true
and I always see in depth)
although I never knew
(until now, too late
to make a difference
in the end)
how you used your mind
as an offensive tool
fueled by the power
of emotions that you claimed
you never knew

Those were the best of times
and the worst of times
all coming together to meet
in the center that I'd worked so hard
to bring into a balance
but oh, your words were sweet
and the promises you made back then
were music to my ears
(did you practice these
to bring them to a state
of such perfection?)

but then the glow of love became a mist
and slowly, every mist will dissipate
until the truth becomes an imaged form
or, as with you, a multitude
of devastating feelings that explode
and the music of your words
became no more
than a cacophony of endless sound
that had no meaning

yet we must work with what we're given
or so I told myself back then
as your rage and your depression
poured through the channels
once conceived of love
and so I laughed and cried
and even raged with you
in hopes of bringing all of this back to
the love I know as real

but you refused to follow
or to change the very basic attitudes
that had brought on all these moods
within your life
even as you blocked the flow
of every loving word I spoke to you
with all the alibis that you conceived
as gross reality

and gross it was
so dense I found I could not breathe
within the confines of your attitudes
of ownership and of control
and so I sought to leave it all behind
your wrath and your confusion
your sorrow and the vast profusion
of the wounds caused by your warring nature
and so these wounds are yours to bear

Yet even still, upon occasions such as this
I feel your rage directed here, to me
as if to blame me for the shame
of all the promises you made
but never kept
and this will never do

for you know as well as I
that all those moods
originated there with you
and always will return
for they are of your creation
not of mine

but this time
one basic change
has taken form
I will no longer lead you
through the storms
that you alone create
nor codify the burning light
that blinds you to awareness

for this anger that you feel
and this shame that now
congeals within your cells
and too, the hatred
that you've yet to face
is only that - just yours
and yours alone
while feeling always seeks its home
returning through an implicate
yet little known
invisible yet natural realm
composed of the intention
of all truth

and this you've yet to find
the truth that lies behind the mind
and still your soul is crying out to you
to simply listen . . .

?Michaelette?

5/28/2000
Copyright© 2000 Michaelette L. Romano
All Rights Reserved
Take me home . . .